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Illinois Congressional Candidate Withdraws From Race After Bout With Coronavirus

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SCHAUMBURG – A legislative and congressional candidate from Illinois has withdrawn a candidacy scheduled for a partisan primary in late June.

On Wednesday afternoon, roughly a fortnight since candidate petitioning in Illinois began, and after several bitterly cold days typical of January in the state, W. Thomas Olson began experiencing “symptoms consistent with a coronavirus,” the candidate admitted, “and presently feel very sick.”

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The candidate, who has appropriated to himself a moniker of “renegade,” now and then speaks of a sickened body politic, but is affected no more by such corollaries. A quote summarizes the candidate’s views, yet a disinterest in its associations beyond summarily dismissing them is discernible:

“Renegade pop stars who spend lifetimes absorbed in themselves, renegade Harvard law grads who stand for the US Senate or President, renegade political appointees who anonymously publish essays critical of others. And now comes my renegade candidacy, a suburban politician with suburban ideas.”

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The Illinois general assembly recently amended the state’s election code to mark the commencement of candidate petitioning this election cycle to January 13th, whereas previous years petitioning commenced in late August. The candidate said, “Early Septembers in Illinois often bring a warmth to our political discourse, yet bungling lawmakers’ winter prescription for 2022 has effectively ruined candidate petitioning. Can’t imagine any harm might come of it, however.”

For now, the candidate is compelled to seek placement on the ballot for only one office.

“I’m always a candidate for these offices. The alternatives are dimly reliable. Yet it takes a great deal of time and resources to participate in our political discourse by way of candidacy, notwithstanding the perennially destructive Nationalist-Socialist candidate who likely continues to reside in the state’s third congressional district.”

The candidate is hardened toward the opposition. “When I contemplate my opponents, both incumbents, it feels natural to stand against them both. One of my opponents is a gun-happy war pilot who hasn’t shown a talent for interrogating or writing laws, but has exuded a vanity not atypical for the office at election. The other is a former mom on a Madigan, who has and will always sponsor bills authored by lobbyists and others far more competent at writing laws than a feckless partisan.”

Citizens have until March 15th to file petitions of candidacy.

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