RiverBender Blog: With a New Espresso Machine, I'm Basically a Barista

Aug 18, 2025 9:39 AM Aug 18, 2025 9:55 AM

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For all the loyal readers out there (hi, Mom!), you might remember a while ago when I said I was quitting caffeine. Well, I’m sad to say that absolutely did not last. But I did find a way to get caffeine more directly and efficiently, so I’m more caffeinated than ever before.

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That’s right, I’m talking about espresso, and not just the Sabrina Carpenter song. I’m brewing my own espresso and making my own lattes, and my caffeine game has never been stronger.

A few months ago, my friends came together to gift me an espresso machine for my birthday. Not only was this wildly thoughtful and kind, but it also reinforced my love for coffee. These days, I don’t just like it. I need it. I’m jonesing.

I finally unpacked the machine — it’s pink! — when I moved to a new apartment and got it all set up in my new kitchen. There it sits, in the corner, waiting patiently for me every morning to brew my drink.

One thing I quickly learned is that, unlike the $20 coffeemaker I got from Target a few years ago, this is fancy. This espresso machine brews espresso, not coffee (don’t ask me what the technical difference is), so it’s just a little shot of caffeine every morning.

And while I could sip the espresso out of a tiny mug and act like a cool French businesswoman, I don’t hate myself. Espresso is STRONG. It’s like a shot of vodka versus a mixed drink, and I love me a cocktail.

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So instead, I fancify my espresso every morning. I have a bottle of chocolate sauce that I squirt into the mug, then I brew the espresso, then I pour this concoction over milk and ice to make my own mocha. Mochas are basically caffeinated chocolate milk, so you can barely even taste the bitterness. This is where I thrive. My sweet tooth is no secret.

In addition to the great drinks, the espresso machine has saved me some money. I was someone who occasionally (often) dropped the $8 on a fancy coffee in the mornings on my way to work.

While the store-bought mochas are definitely still better than my own version, my bank account thanks my friends for saving me a few dollars. It only costs about a dollar per espresso pod. While this adds up, we can do the math together, dear reader, and note that I’m saving about $7 every morning.

A lot of finance people will tell folks like me to “skip the fancy coffee” and pocket the cash, as if $7 twice a week will allow me to put the down payment on a house. I think this advice is a bit out of touch, but I can’t deny that I feel like I’m saving quite a bit of money.

And the smart version of me thinks, “Great! Save that money! Put it towards that house down payment!” But the worse version of me replies, “Great! Free money!” like I’ve been gifted $7 every day to use however I see fit.

Does that make sense to anyone but me? It is, objectively, terrible advice, but I never claimed to be a financial guru.

I am, however, slowly becoming a barista. All of this to say, I’m reaching my final form. I think I’m destined to be a coffee snob, and I’m slowly but surely getting there. Soon I’ll be chatting about roasting and the notes in different beans like a true hipster. I can’t overstate how much I want to be that person. Something’s a-brewin’, and I’m happy to announce it’s my own personality change.

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